Anarchists of the world, unite!

Can I get your picture? I collect nature disasters

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?

Don't be open-minded, your brains might fall out

Everybody has the right to be stupid but you r breaking the rules!

Fat people are harder to kidnap

Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss

For all you who talk about me, thanks for making ME the center of YOUR world!

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants

I am on the seafood diet. I see food and I eat it!

I don't hate you, I just need someone to take my anger out on

I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it

I hope life isn't a joke, because I don't get it

I know that you know that I know that you think I'm the best, that's why you never tell me

I love deadlines, especially the whooshing sound they make as they go by

I must confess, I was born at a very early age

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own

I’ve lost my phone number, can I have yours?

If at first you don't succeed skydiving isn't for you

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

If my car was a horse, I would have to shoot it!

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten

If you don't like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk

I'm cool, I'm hot....I'm everything you're not

I'm not a follower... I'm a leader with the same idea

I'm not guilty, I'm just not innocent! ;-)

I'm not smiling at you, I'm trying not to laugh!

Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids

Mobile phones are the only subject on which men boast about who's got the smallest

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted

Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics

Never wish on 1 star more than 1nce cause your luck ALWAYS runs out!

Nobody like me, so I always have 1 friend

On the other hand, you have different fingers

Passwords are like underwear: change them often

ScReW TwiZzLeRS!! i'LL MaKe YoUr MoUtH HaPPy!

She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon

Sure, there's no "I" in team, but there is an "M" and an "E"

That money talks I don't deny... I just heard mine yell: Goodbye!!

The more I learn, the more I forget. So why would I learn?

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with

There are two types of economists. Those who can count, and those who can't

This is where Napoleon beat his bone-a-part

Time flies like the wind; fruit flies like bananas

We both know I'm the best, that's why you never tell me

What do an Icebear have after swimming? Snowballs!

When I’m good, I’m really good, but when I’m bad I’m better

When you judge others you don't define them you define yourself.. :-)

Who laughs last, thinks the slowest

Whoever said nothing's impossible never tried to slam a revolving door

Why do our noses run and our feet smell?

Why doesn't the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?

You and the bank own a very lovely home

You know it's always business doing pleasure with you

You may laugh because I'm different but I laugh because you're all the same

You're looking at perfection, and it isn't you!

You're unique, just like everyone else....